Ayokong sabihin dahil unang-una, hindi ko matanggap. Hindi ko din naman alam kung kanino ko sasabihin dahil pakiramdam ko na-exhaust ko na ang reserved time ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Ang lakas tuloy ng feeling na nasa isang deserted island ako kahit sobrang daming tao sa paligid ko.

I'm trying to work through my feelings right now. I've been thinking a lot and the one thing that keeps standing out is how disappointed I feel about this. Hindi ko alam kasi kung ako ba ang may mali o ikaw, eh. I don't even know if I should demand things from you or if I should just let it go.

Tama si Ven, eh. Ang hirap maging level-headed all the time. I keep stretching out my patience simply because I always feel like crap after "instigating" our fights. But, I really don't want to just settle for second best anymore.

I want what they have. I want the things I see. I want to do silly, nonsensical things with you. I want to stay up all night talking to you. I won't even mind if my ears start feeling uncomfortable and warm. I want to go to weird, unique places with you. I want to take sweet, stupid photos with you. I want to receive small surprises from you. I want to carve our own little niche in this world, a place that we can call our own. Our coffee shop, our bookstore, our anything.

While this may be good, it still doesn't feel enough. I don't want this sorry excuse of quality time because we are not even spending time together. I don't want to feel like you are putting me on schedule because it's the only day in a week that we agreed to meet. I want to stop feeling like I'm the least of your priorities. I want to feel like you actually care when I get sad or angry. I want you to do something about it, not ignore me until I start feeling like an idiot and talk to you instead.

I don't want to wait for your texts while miserably wondering if you ever would.

Hindi na masaya yung ganito. Yung wala akong nararamdamang effort mula sa'yo. Na parang wala lang, okay lang. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam nung wala lang sa'yo na nagkakaganito ko.

Ang sakit lang.