It's okay. It only hurts when I try to breathe.
I thought I was doing pretty damned fine. I woke up that morning in good spirits, better suited to brave the day ahead of me. I had my STS class at 10am. I arrived early and read my book. It was a fun lecture. It always is with Sir Jireh. Point is, I managed to forget the fix the I was in for a few hours.
I felt fine.
Until I met Venus, that is. The gang was supposed to meet at 5pm. I got out at 1pm and headed for Robinson's when I got Venus's message that she was already at Red Mango. Making my way there, I really had no idea what to tell her or how to explain to her the things that happened.
So, we talked. We talked about what happened. I told her that yes, we are still together. And no, I have no idea what he wants to do with the two weeks on his hands. She wanted to analyze the reason behind everything but we came up short. We tried to think of the why's and how's but between the two of us, we accomplished nothing.
She thought about my friendship with Keene and how it affected my relationship with Greg. But, somehow that seems to be irrelevant as I ended that a month ago. She was shocked that Greg's name on my phone seems so formal with the surname. I defended myself by saying that it's a small thing and is not an indication of my feelings whatsoever. She assured me that he would be back but no matter how convincing her case might be, it still didn't seem enough. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for the things she said and the lengths she went to to make me feel better but we both know that in the end, there was only one person whom I needed to hear those words from.
I only cried twice since this whole thing blew up, both of them with Danj and Nhor who were actively trying to make me cry so I don't think if that counts. Haha. What I mean is that, I think I'm doing okay despite the dire nature of my circumstance. So, I figured, hey, I can do this. Only a few more days and we'll be fine.
JM arrived at around 3pm. I had forgotten to eat lunch so we went to McDonald's. We went to the Food Court to wait for Joel. He arrived at around 5pm. We headed for Niro while JM went to get his plus one.
Can you imagine how lonely I felt when JM and his plus one arrived? I love my friends and most of the time I don't really mind going out with my friends that are couples. But, that one just hit me hard. Two couples being sweet in front of me and me, I am not even sure if my boyfriend will come back at the end of this two-week suspension that he enacted.
So, I kept quiet most of the time and sulked. And drank my shots. So, it was no wonder when I, who has never been drunk with the gang, felt woozy halfway through the night.
JM had to take his plus one to the bus station. (Sweet.) So, I was stuck with our power couple. (Still felt pathetic and alone.) JM came back and Boli arrived. Finally, the gang was complete!
The fact that they texted him to say that they were with me and that we were drinking and him replying with a curt message certainly didn't help lift my spirits either. My response and the Squeeze Me definitely did me in. On our third set, I only laid my head on the table. I could vaguely remember JM hugging me and telling me it'll be fine. I don't think I was hallucinating but they I think they showed me a message from a high school friend saying that Greg says that he loves me.
I knew I had to keep my wits about me if I wanted to get home all right so I already stopped drinking and only stared into space. My head was pounding, though. I knew I needed JM to support me on the way home. I did the same for him last time so I didn't feel that guilty. Hehe.
By the time we went home, I already felt a little better. A cold shower later and I was feeling my old self again. Haha.
That was when it started to sink in, though. I was out late. I had more than my usual share of drink. I was definitely drunk. He did not care. At all.
No, I did not get drunk to get his attention. I did not even intend to get drunk that night. It just happened.
I am trying not to overthink things but I guess I am. But, I just can't understand how he can stand this. I am not holding this against him, I just want to understand how you could go on one day without talking to someone so important in your life. Barney can't let a day go by without talking to Robin because if he did, his day would just suck.
So how could you? How could you take all of this in stride when I could barely get through fifteen minutes of my day without thinking about you? How? :(
No comments:
Post a Comment