Musings.

I AM SUCH A BAD BLOGGER.

I know. Haha. I'm sorry. Please let me explain. I do not use my laptop nor our desktop because of certain reasons. (Reason number one being my mom banning me from chronic use of the internet.) So, I am using my mobile phone. But, my mobile phone doesn't or can't support the intricate complexities of blogger and I am forced to do nothing.

I don't even have a solid topic to write about but my blog looks really lonely so I'm just winging it.

I am here at Patts. My uncle (who is younger than me) will take his entrance exam later and I am bored to death. My dad drove us here early. Too early. We arrived at around 6:30 and employees don't come in until around 8. The exam will not even start until 10. So, I was stuck there, with headphones in my ears, re-reading A Game of Thrones, when Ton asked me if I wanted to go to a computer shop and pass time. So, yeah, I said yes. :>

I am sleepy. I tried to sleep around 10 last night but I keep waking up. I hate that half-awake state when you seem to be dreaming but the slightest stimuli will wake you up. I am quite certain that I have sinusitis on account of my face feeling like it had been punched by a wrecking ball, no less. To top it all off, it feels like someone was there but really isn't. No, I am not talking about a ghost.

I am leaving on Saturday and I will be gone for three weeks. So, that means not seeing you in three whole weeks. Plus the last two weeks that we haven't seen each other. So, one month of listlessness and missing you. I mean, it's okay if you do text or call me and talk to me. But, you don't. You say good morning and it's fine. You tell me you love me every morning when you wake up and every night before you sleep and that's great. But, I want to talk to you.

I want to know how your day had gone. I want to know how you're feeling. I am not being clingy. At least, I don't think I am. I just want to talk to you. I am not asking for 24 hours of your time. All I want is a few more minutes of your day, not mere seconds of typing your message and hitting send. All I want is a few more words from you not just a greeting and a stale I love you.

I don't get it. We live a few blocks apart and I tell you that I want to see you before I leave and all I get is that silence on your end. I tell you that our common friend wants to hang out and you give me three different excuses but the truth is you just want to go someplace else.

I get angry and still, silence?

It's early in the relationship, I know. You need your adjustment phase. I need my adjustment phase. But, this?

Maybe it's just the fact that I dread silence. Wait, that doesn't seem strong enough. I abhor silence.

This may not be the best idea but I think this time, the silence will be reciprocated. After all, the only thing that can refute silence is silence itself.

I will be gone for almost a month. I'll reevaluate things when I come back. Maybe you can think of things on your end, too. We'll see.

Or maybe not.

PS

Dear Grammar Nazis, I am too sleepy to check this post. Forgive me. :))